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Japanese Weddings
Spring
and fall are wedding seasons in Japan as much as they are favored by tourists.
In some places where wedding ceremonies and receptions are held as many
as forty couples are united and congratulated on a day of fortune under
the almanac.
Putting aside the Christian wedding or Buddhist matrimonial service for
the time being, let us introduce to you how more often marriages are arranged
and wedding ceremonies are performed under the Shinto system in Japan.
While it is true that more and more young men and women areunited in
marriage on their own will through love, the practice of "Mi-Ai" is still
widely observed to end in a happy married life for many. "MI-AI" is an
interview for a man and woman with a view to marriage, as arranged by
their parents or a third party acting as a go-between. It is proposed
with due consideration to social backgrounds and other factors of the
prospective bride and bridegroom and their families. It is not compulsory
on either of the parties concerned to accept such "MI-AI" as a promise
for marriage. Usually, however, preliminary studies are made to assure
a success in "MI-AI" where the prospective bride and bridegroom are more
or less to make a final decision through personal impressions of each
other.
Before we go further into "MI-AI" interviews which may be observed in
hotels, theaters and such public planes, it may be of interest to review
some history of marriage practices in Japan.
A History of Japanese Marriage
In the long history of Japan the marriage system must have gone through
various changes in the social system and conditions. Such changes are
now difficult to trace in detail but the most important and historical
change in the Japanese marriage system is said to have been made from
the "Muko-iri" practice for a bridegroom to enter the family of his aimed-at
bride to the "Yome-iri" system for a bride to be accepted into her bridegroom's
home. The change seems to have taken place in the 13th and 14th centuries
by the rise of "Bushi" warriors in power.
During the age of aristocracy a bridegroom would nightly visit his bride
at her home and only after the birth of a child or the loss of parents
to the bridegroom or husband, the bride would be accepted as the wife
in the man's home. Among common people labor power was and essential factor
to maintain a family. It was an accepted practice in the Tohoku area in
north for a bridegroom to live with his bride's family to offer his labor
for a certain length of time. More widely spread was the system for a
bridegroom and bride to offer their time and labor to their own families.
In such cases the husband would visit his wife nightly to maintain the
married life. Again in Izu Islands it was for a wife to work for the family
of her husband who would, however, stay at her home. The practice remains
today in the system of adoption by which a man becomes a member of another
family by marriage. Under either of such system it was necessary for families
concerned to reside in neighborhood.
In the old days of aristocracy men seem to have been freer and more insistent
than those to follow in later ages in proposing marriage to women. Court
Lord Fukakusa is said to have called on Ono-no-Komachi, "Miss Kyoto" of
the 9th century day and night for one hundred consecutive days and broken
down from exhaustion without her word of "yes".
After nightly visits of a man at the home of his aimed-at bride, he might
be invited by her parents to a bedside and offered "Mochi" rice cakes.
"Tokoro-Arawashi", as the ceremony was called was the most important function
in the ancient wedding among aristocrats. A similar practice was seen
among common people for a man to visit on the parents of a bride-to-be
for approval of his marriage to their daughter.
With the rise of "Bushi" warriors whose spheres of activities were no
longer limited within Kyoto or close neighborhood, the system of women
marrying into men's families was gradually adopted and widely accepted
in the 14th century and on. Under the feudal system marriages were often
used as political and diplomatic approaches to maintaining peace and unity
among feudal lords. Thus the personal will of men and women for marriage
was ignored in the face of family interests and the social intercourse
of unmarried persons was denied. Marriages came to be arranged by and
for families and the role of "Nakodo" go-between became very important
in Japan.
Another result of the "Yome-iri" wedding and family marriage was the
increased importance of engagement. The "Yui-no" betrothal thus became
a serious step in the Japanese marriage. A "Nakodo" go-between would make
further certain of a proposed marriage by the ceremonial exchange of drinks
with the bride side immediately upon acceptance of the proposal. "Yui-no",
as still observed and later described more in detail, is the exchange
of various items between two families concerned assuring the engagement
to be followed through.
The wedding ceremony became also more elaborate. A messenger would be
sent to the bride's home where family members hold a farewell party before
hanging her over to the bridegroom side. At the wedding ceremony proper
in addition to the "San-San-Kudo" exchange of drinks between the bridegroom
and bride, drinks were now exchanged between members of the families for
unification on the family basis.
Having briefly reviewed the history, we are now ready to go back to marriage
and wedding, as more widely practiced in Japan today.
"MI-AI"
Until the turn of the century, the "MI-AI" interview of a man and
woman was more of formality than an opportunity to know each other with
a view to marriage. When practiced, it is arranged by a go-between today
to provide the prospective bridegroom and bride with an initial opportunity
for knowing each other personally.
A theater, hotel or restaurant may well be used for "MI-AI" where the
proposed couple and their families make their acquaintance. The "MI-AI"
interview is no longer considered to force any compulsory consequence
upon either of the parties concerned. It is a practice for parents, go-betweens
and friends with a particular view to unite, if desired, a young man and
woman, thought out to be ideal partners in marriage. Even when successfully
conducted, the man and woman concerned are usually given months to get
to know each other and possibly to learn to love each otehr.
When "MI-AI" was a mere formality, a bridegroom-to-be might be invited
to the home of a bride-to-be and if he was favorably impressed, he would
leave behind a fan to indicate his acceptance. The bride-to-be had little
chance of expressing her views on the subject.
"Yui-no"
"Yui-no" is a derived form of "Ii-ire" meaning "to apply". It is said
also to mean for families to be united in marriage to dine and drink together.
In any case it is an important function in betrothal in Japan.
At "Yui-no" gifts are exchanged between the bridegroom-to-be and bride-to-be.
The main item to be presented to the bride-to-be is an "Obi", representing
female virtue. A "Hakama" skirt is returned to the bridegroom-to-be, expressing
fidelity.
The "Yui-no" gifts include as many as nine items of happiness and fortune,
if formally prepared, in addition to the "Obi" and "Hakama".
Naga-Noshi Prepared from abalones, it used to be an important
and costly item in the old barter trade. It is to express the sincere
wishes of a sender, as widely used in making gifts in Japan.
Mokuroku
It is the list of gift delivered.
Money
Money is exchanged as a ceremonial gift.
Katsuo-bushi
It is dried bonito, used in making soup stock and valued high as preserved
food.
Surume
Dried cuttlefish. Both "Surume" and "Katsuo-bushi" are presented to
indicate "quality" to last.
Konbu
"Konbu" tangles are included for their strong power of breeding, wishing
for happy and healthy generations to follow in the family.
Shiraga
Another name for "Asa" or hemp. Strong fibers are exchanged to signify
ties and cooperation in the married life. "Shiraga" phonetically means
also white hair, expressing wishes for long life together to the newly
married.
Suehiro
A fan is always a symbol of happiness, as it expands to the end, suggesting
a better and bigger future.
Yanagi-daru
It is a wine cask. It may be replaced by cash, as designated for the
purpose of purchasing "Sake" wine. "Sake" casks are usually made of "Sugi"
cryptomeria but such as used in "Yui-no" are of willow trees with tender
leaves. It is meant to pledge obedience and gentleness in the married
life.
All these "Yui-no" gifts are accompanied by a list of family members,
as they are exchanged between the two families through the go-between
on a "lucky" day of the almanac.
Wedding Ceremony
The Shinto wedding is performed before a Shinto sanctuary, set up
for the occasion unless the wedding takes place in a Shinto shrine. It
is presided by a Shinto priest who first holds the purification service
of all present. Such a wedding is usually attended by members of both
families and close relatives in addition to the couple to be united and
go-betweens. Go-betweens are often selected more for ceremonial purposes
from among elderly couples known and close to either or both of the families
to be united in marriage.
After a ritual by the priest, reporting to olds on the marriage and requesting
their lasting favors on the newlyweds it is now customary for the bridegroom
to read an oath to keep faithful and obedient to each other in the married
life. The oath may be given by the go-between in behalf of the new couple.
The "San-San-Kudo" or ceremony of the Three-Times-Three Exchange of nuptial
cups is then performed by the bridegroom and bride. The exchange of wedding
rings is also a popular practice today.
The bridegroom and bride proceed to the sanctuary to offer twigs of "Sakaki"
sacred tree in worship to gods to end the main part of the wedding ceremony.
Drinks of "Sake" are then exchanged between members and close relatives
of the both families to signify their union through the wedding.
The Shinto wedding is accompanied by the traditional music and attended
by "Miko" maidens who serves "Sake" in red and white dresses.
It is a short service, simple in procedure but full of solemn atmosphere.
Many hotels and restaurants are equipped with a special room for wedding
ceremonies. In fact weddings are a good source of business for them, including
receptions to follow sometimes in elaborate scale.
Many a wedding in Japan is performed in other styles. Christian weddings
in the church, Buddhist nuptials in the temple and civil weddings in public
offices are preferred for religious or other reasons. A wedding ceremony
may also be performed at home in the Shinto style, in which case a temporary
sanctuary is set up on the "Tokonoma" alcove. Except for local differences
the bride is seated first in such a family wedding and the ceremony to
give her away to the bridegroom is included.
A Buddhist wedding as performed at the Honganji Temple includes a prayer,
the presentation of Buddhist rosaries, address by the priest, incense
burning, drinks of oath and a Buddhist worship by clasping hands. A Buddhist
temple used to be a place for funerals, as far as such events in life
as birth, marriage and death were concerned. It is still to be seen how
far the Buddhist wedding may go with millions of otherwise Buddhist followers
found in the country.
Wedding Receptions
The scale and style of wedding receptions in Japan vary from one end to
another, depending on budgets and other factors involved.
The usual procedures in wedding receptions have the go-between introduce
the bridegroom, bride and their family backgrounds. Sometimes such introductions
are made to cover parents of the newlyweds more in length than the principal
figures of the occasion.
The traditional costume as worn by the bride is perhaps the most colorful
element in the reception. Big "Kanzashi" ornaments as worn by the bride
in the hair, done in the old fashion, are hidden under the "Tsuno Kakushi"
hood. It is meant to hide "Tsuno" or horns to show obedience. The "Uchikake"
gown worn over the colorful wedding "Kimono" may be most gorgeous. During
the course of the reception the bride is led out to change her dress.
The second wedding dress is different in design and color but is just
as beautiful and elaborate as the first one. The "Tsuno Kakushi" and "Uchikake"
are no longer worn to exhibit the bride in all she is. The bridal dresses
are sometimes handed down in the family or made into "Futon" beddings
or mattresses later in life.
Red and white are a happy color combination in Japan, as abundantly used
in a wedding. The soup may have ingredients in such color scheme and ice
cream may be served in the same color combination.
A Japanese wedding reception is a colorful affair, particularly with
young friends of the bride attending in beautiful "Kimono". Married ladies
in black formal dresses have multi-color designs on the "Kimono" skirts
to be no less attractive than young maidens. It is really a show for the
newly-weds to remember for many years.
The honeymoon is also an accepted custom, which may start immediately
after the wedding reception. On "lucky" days the Tokyo Station may be
full of new couples boarding trains for Atami, Hakone and other favorite
places on the honeymoon.
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