De-stress your wedding planning
by Barbara Reilly - The Wedding Doctor

I thought I had heard it all. Apparently not. The horror stories continue. I read recently where a bride confronted her worst fears on the days leading up to her big event. There were stories of lost cake contracts and the wrong wedding dress (picked up by the groom the night before the wedding). Then there was the one involving the groom who thought he could hold his own the night before and the entire congregation had to leave so the altar could be cleaned again before the ceremony. But the saddest ones are the stories where the bride and groom wanted an individual, unique wedding and, through pressure during the process, ended up with second best or the opposite. The dreams they had had were gone, replaced with "You can't afford that." or "I know what you need." or "When I got married…" I talked to a couple recently who had always wanted to be married on top of a mountain. They ended up marrying in a small church and having their reception in a local inn because "It could rain" and "Your mother's afraid of heights" and "Outdoor weddings are so unpredictable." I wonder if these advice-givers realized that unpredictable is what the couple wanted; that no rain could chase away their love. They felt like it wasn't their wedding and it wasn't. It belonged to the advice-givers. They gave away their wedding.

If you were planning a party for your family or friends, you would take the time to find out what would please them and never deviate from that path. You would decorate with their favourite colours in mind. You would serve their favourite foods and you would always make sure they have a delicious memory that you made for them. Why don't we do that for ourselves? Why do we so quickly forget the initial plans we made; the sprig of pine for a boutonniere to remind us of the many walks through the woods with that someone special; the first dance as a carefully practiced tango to show our passion; the no-alcohol rule at the reception because neither one of you drinks? At some point, we caved. For one of the most important days of our lives, we let the dream die.

I do not suggest that people handle any momentous event alone. Occasionally, there is a relative with time and expertise to organize and aid in wedding preparation and everything runs smoothly. But more often than not, I see brides who are stressed out to the maximum on their wedding day, smiling tiny elastic smiles and gritting their teeth on the way down the aisle. Here's some free advice: hire a professional.

Wedding co-ordinators will sometimes end up saving so much that their fee is paid for and you just sit back and enjoy the show. The co-ordinator will have a wealth of knowledge in etiquette and be there on your wedding day, from start to finish.

Wedding consultants are usually attached to the reception site or a particular storefront. They have contacts and expertise and their fee is usually included in your cost. They sometimes include extras (cake, decorations, clean-up, etc.). They are not bound to be there through the actual wedding experience.

Wedding organizers can be yourself, your family, friends or contacts you have heard of or made in the past. They can provide little touches to your wedding but run the risk of feeling like they "own" the occasion eventually.

I have seen all three of these planners work beautifully. The point is to sit down with the one you love and never lose touch of the love and the reason for saying "I do". Never accept second best and never forget how important the top of that mountain is to you. Stand your ground. Listen to your heart and know when you need to look for that special help. Make sure whomever you engage is synchronized with your wishes and dreams. This time will never happen again. It will never be so beautiful and there will probably never be another time when you both are represented by who you truly are.