Groom Planning a Wedding

Q: I am a groom and I need to help out a little bit with the wedding or my fiancée is going to get upset. I need all the help I can get can you please help me?

A: I can completely understand your situation. This must be so tough for you - I can sense from your email that the pressure is on. I'm not sure exactly which aspects of the wedding you'd be comfortable assisting with, so I've taken some general tips and suggestions and listed them below. Here goes:

1. Prove your interest....your fiancée really wants to see that this wedding is as important to you as it is to her. If she's leafing through a bridal magazine...join her! Give your honest opinion about whether or not you like the things she's looking at. For example, if she's looking at a flower arrangement or a gown in the magazine, tell her if you like it or not. The worst thing you can do is to just agree with her...she's really looking for your opinion, and you should be flattered that it means so much to her. If you feel indifferent about what you're looking at, choose one "good" thing about it and point it out to her. For example, if your fiancée has asked your opinion on a bridal bouquet, and you have no idea what the flowers are, or whether or not you even like it, pick something that you do like about it...there has to be something...comment on the colour, the shape, ask if the flowers have a pleasant aroma to them, say something to prove that you're at least thinking about it. That's sure to do the trick.

2. Go to meetings with her...and be interested! Attend all the meetings with the vendors....go see the florist, the videographer, photographer, etc. Before you head to the meeting, take some time to think of 2 or 3 intelligent questions to ask. Safe questions include "Do you charge overtime for additional hours?", or "Is this the most comprehensive package you offer?", or maybe even "How many weddings can you accommodate in one day? In one year?". "How long have you been in business?". These are all general questions that can apply to any vendor, so you should be safe asking them. This will give your fiancée the feeling that you're genuinely interested in the meeting and the products/services being offered. You'll think of other pertinent questions during the meeting, but just in case, go in armed with a few ideas.

3. Make a suggestion out of the blue. I'm sure there is an aspect of the wedding that truly does interest you. You may be a car buff, or have specific music tastes, food preferences, etc. We're all individuals with individual and personal likes and dislikes. Use your natural feelings and try to associate them with the wedding. For example, if you're a car buff, pull out a bridal magazine, find a few limousine companies and select the one that you like the most. Suggest that you go meet with them to see if the BMW limo is available....anything that will generate interest that is genuine. Also, you must have preferences when it comes to music and food....we all do. You might want to suggest certain food items for the menu, and then go to the taste testing at the hall....that doesn't seem like a chore. Suggest a few songs/musicians that you'd like to hear the DJ play. Maybe you can select the first song you'll dance to as a married couple, or the last dance of the evening, etc. This way, you're actually gearing up to doing something or suggesting something that you really like - therefore, it's genuine and sincere and best of all, it's directly related to the wedding. Your fiancée will feel as though you care enough to provide input.

4. Maybe you can take responsibility for a certain vendor. If cars and music are where your strengths lie, or menu selection and liquor selection, whatever it may be..maybe you can assume responsibility for it. If you think you can tell your fiancé not to worry about the limo because you'll take care of it...go ahead and take action. Take the responsibility of finding the limo company, booking the car, etc. They might come back to you and ask you questions you don't know, such as when and where all the pick ups will be, how many people will be in the car, etc, you can always approach your fiancée, but the simple fact that you took the initiative to book that vendor will surely be appreciated.

5. Write a speech. You obviously love your fiancée very much to be taking a formal step towards marriage. Let her know how you feel. Write your own vows, or your own speech and knock her socks off with it. I guarantee you it is something she will always look back on with tears of joy and a sense of incredible pride. Such memories are everlasting.

I hope this helps. I tried to give you a variety of suggestions. Some may be more applicable to your situation than others, but at the very least, I hope the above information sparks some interest and a few ideas. Best of luck.