In a country as diverse as Mexico, it is impossible to cover courtship and marriage customs of all indigenous people in a few words. This article is limited to Zapotecs and other groups in Oaxaca, Cora and Tarascan people in western Mexico who live on the central plateau, and Huichols who mostly reside in mountainous country so deeply cut with ravines that they have little contact with others.

Among urban families the control which fathers have over their daughters has eroded in the past two decades. Campesina and ranchera girls however, may only meet boys during the paseo around the plaza on Sunday evenings, usually under the watchful eye of family members seated on the white iron benches. Girls in their finery, braids neatly tied together promenade in one direction and boys strut in the opposite direction, resplendent in leather vests and boots. They may pair off or wait until the next week, when someone's way of smiling or walking inspires them.

A father has the power to deny or give his blessing to the novio who wishes to keep company with his daughter. Even from afar, absent fathers control their daughters' destinies. Nice girls are home by 10 at night, even if in their 20's. If a young couple don't succeed in getting their parent's permission to marry, the boy may steal the girl, frequently with her help. This may be done on horseback or on foot. After they have spent the night, the parents have to give permission to save their honor. If the bride is stolen without the groom asking her father's permission to marry, the father is not obligated to help them financially or otherwise.

The most unusual case I know of stealing the bride was told to me by Juan Navarro, the artist who did the etching, "La Huida" (The Flight) He said the girl was very small, so it was an easy matter to steal her on a bicycle.

If a girl gets pregnant out of wedlock, the father's honor as well as the girl's is at stake. If her family can't arrange a marriage and come up with the money to pay for it immediately, then she can't go anywhere alone. In many pueblos, like San Juan Cosala in Jalisco, priests marry many couples in a single ceremony held once a year for those who can't pay to marry. Only in Mezcala, birthplace of the Revolutionary hero Santana, are weddings free. This was arranged when General de la Cruz made a truce with Santana and the united tribes of indians who had held off the Spanish for four years.

A wedding is prepared for with love, many hours of time spent, borrowed money and community effort. My house is stuffed with handmade wedding mementos, COLON swans and doves holding the couple's names in their beaks, silver and gold cups, little straw note holders and miniature guitars. Even the poorest people usually have live music at family weddings, supplied by two padrinos or wedding godfathers, usually older men who have the where-with-all to pay for it.

Frequently other guests play the guitar, as many rancheros play quite well, though none better than the Huichols of Nayarit and Jalisco. Among this indigenous group, five is a sacred and magical number, and the music is on a pentatonic scale. The rhythm is always the same, repetitive and rather hypnotic. Violins and reed flutes complete the Huichol wedding combo. Other native people include horns and drums as well. Copal incense, gathered from trees high in the hills, is burned at weddings by many different cultures.

Wedding guests and bridesmaids may wear red, a favorite color, or even black. Among the Cora people around Lake Chapala and in the state of Nayarit, the custom of ethnic wedding dresses has died out. Many Cora women continue to dress their hair with mamey oil both in Nayarit and Jalisco.

Outsiders are unlikely to be invited to Huichol weddings, but one can get an idea of their traditional dress by noting the clothing of Huichol men who make an annual pilgrimage to Lake Chapala to pay homage to the god of rain, Rapawiyeme who lives in the Lake. They wear white manta pants and shirts embroidered with fine cross stitch motifs such as deer, scorpions two-headed eagles, and other representations of the old gods. Embroidered capes are worn for weddings and special occasions along with two or three wide sashes and a number of small cotton belts with seven to nine small bags in woven designs. Huichol women's clothing is less elaborate, consisting of a gathered manta skirt, embroidered at the bottom in the same open designs as men's clothing, a manta blouse and a triangular quechquemitl, a pre-Hispanic hold-over.

Huipiles are also a centuries-old wedding garment, which one sees on archeological figures. They are worn mostly in the south of Mexico and are woven of a square joined at the edges with a slit neck opening. They vary from the red and ribbon huipiles which fall to the knee of the Amusgo women to sheer short ones worn by Zapotecs over a brocade skirt. The curious starched pleated headresses surrounding their faces were made famous by artist Frida Kahlo who adopted these costumes.

After the waltz, in which guests may pin money on the clothing of the bride and groom to dance with them, the young women sing to the bridegroom "El Mandelon", which roughly translates as head of the household. They dress him in an apron, put a baby and a broom in his and and sing, "Now you can't leave to walk around alone, mandelon, mandelon."

Another popular song, sung for centuries in many parts of Mexico by young women is "Yo No Me Casare" (I Won't Marry.) The words go, "Oh no, no, no, senor, I won't marry you/ I'm deeply in love but I'll resist."

Later, when the groom has been heckled by the bridesmaids and the bouquet thrown to the next lucky girl, his friends gather in a tight group and toss him in the air as a send-off.