Love and Elopement in Las Vegas
by Lia Relova

A Chinese-American friend's recent $30,000 wedding still has me reeling from sticker shock. (This was one wedding I didn't have to crash, and boy was the meter ticking on this one!) Two hundred guests and 60.666 dishes later I began to envision how my own wedding would be like. The key words here of course are quick, cheap and painless, with an emphasis on cheap. After much deliberation with my Chinese-American fiancee, we decided that when the time came for us to get married we'd just elope to Las Vegas, Nevada.

Ah, the enticing world of marriage in Las Vegas via the Internet! My research revealed no blood tests required, no waiting period, and a $35 marriage license fee! (Hhmmmm....$30,000 or $35?... $30,000 or $35?....Hhhhmmmmmmm...) We could even say our marriage vows at the drive-through marriage chapel, perhaps even grab a burger on the way. Now there's a quaint yet convenient idea!

My parents are still trying to get over their horrific vision of the Hollywood-style dream wedding I pitched to them while I was still in college, complete with live penguins "in their own tuxedos", a punk-rock band, the Pope, and a whole entourage of leather-clad biker gangs. Now the plan is even better. I'm just going to email them the surprise message: "Mom, dad, thanks for the ladder. I'm hitched!" (Dad? Please put the shotgun down. Dad? dad? Uh, how's the floor, mom?)

"Why can't you have a normal wedding like your sister's?", my mom would wail. My sister's traditional Filipino wedding held in the Philippines incorporated American (the "first kiss" is a modern touch), European (flower bouquets) and early Spanish traditions (Catholic mass and rituals such as a candle-lighting ceremony) and had all the elements for the social coup of the year: an 18th-century ancestral church, Manila's social elite , an artery-clogging feast, fifty porta-potties, and a $40,000 price tag. (Fortunately the wedding guests were expected to dish out wedding gifts in the form of cash or jewelry.) Too bad I wasn't there to experience it all (I was too busy hanging out at the biker bar).

Compared to all that, a chapel in Las Vegas with its Elvis impersonator and Graceland ambiance would do nicely for a modest fee, and without the hassles of a really big wedding. My sister's wedding, for instance, required several "sponsors" who commit themselves to "guiding" the married couple throughout their entire lives, and eventually serve as god-parents and as role models for the couple's future children. Elvis, however, will be my guiding light, and the famous Las Vegas "Flying Elvis" would be perfect models for our offspring. (And most Las Vegas chapels provide in their wedding packages free witnesses to your nuptials,no questions asked, no required feeding, and no strings attached. You're basically ready to tie the knot for less than a hundred bucks!) Also, after seeing my sister's wedding video, the Filipino ceremony tended to be quite long. There were a lot of rituals involved which included a blessing of holy water (in my case it shall be Bacardi), the "coin ceremony" in which something like thirteen silver coins are passed through the bride’s and groom's hands (might as well make that $40,000 big ones) and then the finale where a cord or velvet rope is entwined around the necks of the bride and groom in a figure eight...sounds painful....did I mention my wedding will be quick and simple? And painless....did I also mention painless? Talk about really tying the knot!

Speaking of weddings, here's a little background on how my fiancee and I met. Well, actually, we were best friends to begin with (and then some...). Anyone see "My Best Friend's Wedding" starring Julia Roberts? Same story except with a happier ending in a best friend's favor. I, (out of a drunken stupor) had during my travels out of state with a magazine I worked for became engaged with some Korean dude from New York after knowing him for only six days, five hours, and twenty-five minutes, counting the escape back to the airport. (Again, drunk is the key word here. Plus he agreed to the penguins.)

Upon learning this on my return to Los Angeles, my best friend decided that HE wanted to marry me. (Besides, I didn't really love the dude from New York. In truth I was secretly, MADLY in love with my best friend, so you can imagine how ballistically thrilled I was!) We've been together ever since, and hopefully happily ever after, with little rugrats running around hopefully by my 32nd birthday. And this time, sans Bacardi, I’m happy and relieved that I've finally made the right choice. (My family still thinks that I’m insane.)

Since we decided that the church of Elvis would suffice for our blessed union, I became curious as to how my other acquaintances would tie the knot. I was surprised at the answers, especially with those who I thought would take the more traditional path down the aisle (or drive-through. Whatever.) A newlywed Japanese coworker gave me a curious look when I asked what her traditional Japanese wedding was like. "Traditional? Not mine," she said, "Nowadays the Japanese I know like to fly to America to save on expenses. Getting married in Japan's expensive!"

The ceremonies are only partially traditional and more likely to be held in big hotels or, surprise-surprise, Las Vegas. A research call I placed to one chapel in Las Vegas for statistical purposes revealed that almost all out clientele are Asian, with a percentage being of Japanese-American and even Filipino descent. Although they were not Christian, my coworker's wedding had a priest officiating. The bride wore a modern white wedding dress. The ceremony was modern but still had some elements of tradition. For instance, my coworker said that the good part about her wedding were the traditional cash gifts each guest of the ceremony paid the wedding couple.

Obviously the traditional Filipino and Japanese weddings seemed to have one thing in common: cash, cash, and cash. So I guess I'll have to make my quaint American-style wedding "traditional", traditional Las Vegas, that is!